It seems I pretty frequently have the opportunity to tell Grant's story, which is often the first part of the story of preparing me for this time in my life. I often say something that includes the idea that until we really let go of the things we are holding onto, we can't really say that we are ok with God taking them away from us. I use that with regard to my kids and with regard to PG.
I thought I had come to a place more than a year ago where I could say that if God took away PG I would be fine with it because I was coming to grips with the fact that I am not in control and He would have to make it work if it were going to continue. While I think I truly have grasped that it is completely God Who provides and that I am 100% dependent on Him, I still am not sure that I REALLY ok with Him taking it away.
Maybe this is where we are supposed to be in the first place; I'm not too sure of many things anymore. If God wants to take something away from us what is the point in fighting Him for it? There is no way we can win against the One Who can't be beaten, we can't change His mind, so should we just be content to have our hearts changed to match His heart?
Not all who read this are business owners, so maybe I need to place this more to the kid side of the argument. IF God wants to take our kinds away from us, what can we do about it? He has promised that everything He does is for our good and so if He does take away our kids, then this also is for our good; right? Isn't it a lack of trust if I don't believe that if He takes them away that it is not for everyone's good and His glory? Shouldn't I just trust Him and like Job say "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord"? Isn't this the right attitude?
We shouldn't put our kids in harm's way, we should take them to the doctor when they are sick, we should make them wear their seat belt, but if God decides that they have been our stewardship opportunities long enough, then when He takes them back we should only be left rejoicing.
I realize that kids and a business are 2 very different things, but often they swap places of concern in my own heart. Am I really ready to give up either one right now? I can't say that I would have the same attitude as Job right now. Maybe PG is more important to me than I am willing to admit to myself. There are many families who are either very dependent on PG or pretty dependent, for their livelihood, but in the end they are not really dependent on anything but Gut to supply all of their needs.
Please pray for me and for PG that God would bless us with much needed sales and with those that are ready to be installed. Pray that He would provide for all our needs as He has promised. Pray that I would know what it is that He would have us to do in the future. Much of what is happening right now is from working the things we have implemented in the past. This is all too big for me and is way over my head. I am completely dependent on Him to keep us going. Please pray that this would be His will as if it is, nothing can make that not happen. Pray for my own resting in Him. He is good to bring us thus far, I can only hope in the Great Hope. It is all I want to hope in.