I posted on the adoption blog that it seems I am a spectator in my own life and that is really true in many cases.
We are doing what God has planned and created us to do in our lives, we walk along, often almost blindly- if we are walking by faith- and things happen in God's time and for the purpose He ordains and most of the time we have almost no control over the major things.
Maybe it's like getting into the car of the roller coaster; we are in control of whether we get in our not, but from then on how much control do we really have? We control our emotions going up the first big hill- thinking "Wow, this is big and look how little the people looked from way up here". We can't decide that it's too big and get off now, we're on for the entire ride. When it turns more quickly than it looked from the line to board, when the loops and curves come faster than we anticipated, do we have any control? The only real control is what we are thinking. If we get sick, we are not really even in control of that.
And then the ride is completed we control whether or not we get out of the car. The ride was entirely up to the creator of the coaster. It seems like it is more fun to just ride and not try to be in control of anything; not evaluating whether this is a good ride or not, just ride and enjoy.
Well, maybe that is how life is supposed to be. I choose a few things in my own attitudes and a few little actions, but God really controls the main things and if I just try to be content in all that He gives and not continually evaluate the "ride" it might be a little more enjoyable. I need to take less control- since I have no control anyway, and live each event of each day to the fullest and watch from the sidelines my own life as God has planned it all out.
Trying to control all the things in my own life is like trying to turn the roller coaster from the front seat- turn all you like, it's still going exactly the way it is designed to go. It's better to sit back and enjoy the ride.
This is not my strong suit. Teresa will say- "I don't know this person". I have a long way to go in this area.