Spent

I have been thinking much about spending. Though, maybe not in the way that others are currently thinking about it.

I have had such a blessed life, for the first 45 years. God has allowed success in much that I have done. He has given me delight in the things my hands have found to do. He has given me joy in the toil, which is all from His good hand.

My thoughts on spending are not focused on money as much as life and time. For my first 45 years I have spent most of those minutes bringing myself pleasure and giving myself comfort and I have been convicted. I am not deserving of any luxury or any leisure and yet I have taken God's blessing along the way and used it on myself. I want that to end and I want the rest of the years, however few or many they may be, to be spent for Him and His purposes. I want the rest to be spent on Him.

This thinking and desire doesn't come from me and from my heart, it comes from Him placing these desires in my heart as He transforms me into a new creature. Left on my own I would be desiring more things to satisfy my own desires, but He is changing and growing me and is giving me His desires. I am delighted that He is changing me into the image of His Son. It is unexplainable yet evident.

When we think of "spent" I think that more often than not we are thinking about money or time that is now gone. "We spent the day doing this", or "I spent my retirement on this." I am thinking of that but also of all that I am being spent for Him. Like Paul saying he was being poured out as a drink offering. I want to be being poured out for God's purposes. I don't know what those are right now, and frankly I don't care, I just want to be where He wants we to be, doing what He wants me to do.

45 years is a long time, by many accounts, to be doing what I want to be doing, but it has gone fast and it has been easy to quickly waste 45 years selfishly. I could stay in this same place and rationalize how I have been and change a little, but I am a new creature and God has planned all my days out and I want Him to spend me as He delights and to be spent for His glory.

It is glorious and freeing to know that He directs our paths and He has planned each of our steps from eternity past. The lot is cast but its outcome belongs to the Lord. I want to be blameless before Him that He would delight in strongly supporting me, 2 Chron. 16:9. I can't be blameless on my own and have no desire, on my own, to follow His leading, but He loves to change lives that He might be glorified.

Father, delight Yourself in us. Give us the desire to follow closely after You. May we bring glory to You in everything we do and say. You have promised many things to those who are righteous and follow you blamelessly, make us those righteous ones. Strongly support us as we delight ourselves in You. Spend us in the way that brings You the most glory. I ask this because I believe them to be what will bring You the most glory and because Your Son has paid the price that He might bring a changed people to You as an offering that is sweet to You. Do these things for us that You and our Son would be made much of through them.