Rough Parenting Stages

Teresa and I were privileged to take a parenting class, what seems like a really long time ago. One of the things they talked about was the stages of relationship between the parent and the child. I don't remember every one of them but here's a stab at it. This is going to be pretty rough, sorry.

When they are infants we are basically nurturing them and caring for their every need. There is almost no discipline, except for things like extending the times between feeding and letting them cry a little longer. This helps them to understand that they are not the center of the universe.

As they get just a little older we can give them some choices, but with those choices come consequences. For example; they don't get to decide what they want to eat at every meal. Mom is not a short order cook. So if they refuse to eat the meal she has prepared, then they don't get to eat until the next meal. Guess what. They will appreciate their next meal all the more. And if they refuse that one, because of their stubborn little hearts, well then they will be all the more hungry the next time. It seems cruel, but as adults we don't get to make decisions on a lot of things that go on in our lives. There is a lot of discipline going on in these years.

As the child reaches their middle years there are even more choices for them to make. With those choice should come child/parent discussion on what the outcome of the choice will potentially look like. They are generally not ready to make every decision, but they are going to have to make a lot of decisions pretty soon, so we need to give them the tools to make God honoring decisions. This is really like being a coach. We have trained them in practice for many hours to make the right decision and then we have to sit back and watch them go out and either succeed or fail. When there is a break in the action then it is time to coach some more. "I noticed you did this in this situation. Do you think now that was the best choice, or would you do something different looking back on it now?" Those types of questions and discussions.

The final stage is friendship. Often parents try to get to friendship way too quickly and it blows up in their face. When all the nurturing, discipline and coaching is completed, then you are able to have a real friendship relationship with your child. This is really rewarding, as they can be great friends.

These stages include both spiritual and physical training. If you do the first stages really well, then the latter ones are much easier. If you neglect the first ones, you are in for a long haul.

Be encouraged. God can and does bring our children to Himself and He can give us godly children in spite of our imperfect parenting. My kids are proof positive of this. I have not been a great dad to them and yet He has blessed Teresa and I with 3 friends that we like to be with, and that others like to be with as well. He has taken my parenting neglect and turned it into 3 kids who are trusting and following Him.

As Ryan said, "Work like it all depends on you, pray like it all depends on God".

Please keep us updated on the progress of your child's walk.

A little more encouragement. One of the girls in the small group that meets at our house professed first time repentance on Monday night. We have been praying for her for quite a while and God chose to bring her into Him family.